Posted by on Mar 19, 2018 in Sandy's Blog | 2 comments

From BAREFOOT AT HEART by Sandy Jones
Excerpt page 186

Wild Horses

I remember the day I found my freedom again. I was walking down a quiet, abandoned dirt road there in the San Diego hills. Along the side of the road was a meadow, a pasture with a herd of horses. There were perhaps twenty-five horses grazing quietly on the green grass in the late afternoon light.
I stood to watch them, enchanted by how lovely they were. Each in their own diverse coats of colors glistening in the late low sunlight and shadow; golden, mahogany, black, dappled, and pintos, whites and chestnuts.

As I was silently watching them and admiring their beauty, suddenly the whole herd just bolted. They took off in a thundering, wild, galloping, prancing, running, manes flying, hooves kicking, pounding, untamed, sensuous, joyful, spirited dance of leaping, unleashed freedom, across the field.

Wild — Just Wild and Wonderful.

The rush of energy went deep to the core of me. The Power just ripped me open. The feeling pounded me, thrilled me, lifted me, shook me and woke me up — as if those horses had run right through me and blew me open, blew wide my heart — shattering me into pure Joy and Praise for the Magnificence and Mystery of Life I was so privileged to witness.
 I knew it then. I heard this voice deep in my soul say to me, “Sandy, be yourself, I love you as you. I love you as the wild, un- tamed, unbound, sparkling, laughing, tender heart that you are. You saw that, you saw yourself — now, go and be what you are.”
  That was it. I did see It. Myself, me, my spirit, who I am — I saw myself in those horses. I mean, I really saw my Self. That was me out there. That was who I am. That was my soul, my spirit. Those gallant, powerful horses showed me who I really was. I remembered my spirit. I remembered Her. She was still here, and she was me.
 I realized that all along I had made a major mistake. I had been trying to eliminate “me” in order to be free. I thought there was some part of me that needed to be nullified, annihilated or restrained. Now I saw it was quite the opposite. I was to turn around and return to myself, love myself.

From that day forward, everything changed. I came back to my Self. Slowly, at first. But I knew I was being transformed. It was clear. The Beauty I saw that day was so familiar, she was my Heart, my love, and she was easy to reclaim. I had been her once and knew her Soul. I wanted her back.

I see now her Soul sits next to Reality and I can trust this Self of Me. Those horses brought me back. They brought me home. I was free. I came alive again right there on that dirt road alone with the horses and nature and God.
The Unbound Beauty I saw in those horses was the spirit of me, the Self of me, the one that God, Life, knows me to be, the one before the world was, the Child I am. This was sweet bliss. It was all about finding myself, not getting rid of myself. It was so clear. Yes, I had always been this wild beauty, fearless, on the run, galloping in pure freedom across the Meadow of this blessed world experience.

Finding my Self I found Peace and Love. I came alive, I found myself. I fell in Love with Life again. I remembered me. I love me. I feel like a little girl again and everything has become sweet and easy.

Now the Magic happens all the time. It is Life Itself. As I Love and embrace Life evermore, the more the Magic unfolds.
Like those wild horses, I was free, already. Each of us is the whole, divine, individual and I am the way back to Life — just as you are for you.

Through my Self, I come home to peace and joy. Through me, not away from me. By way of me, by way of this identity, I find God, I find tranquillity.
There is an Original Self. It is who you are. It is made of holy stuff. Just as I am, there is nothing to change but only to uncover and unleash.

Love and let the Magic begin. I love you —

2 Comments

  1. 3-21-2018

    Lovely, powerful story of finding the Self. I saw this the same evening that I had experienced something similar. (Well….minus the gorgeous pasture with horses.) After a meditation, a ‘light’ going off in my mind that showed me a new perspective, showed me who I really am; the original me and it was so reassuring and liberating. There is nothing ‘wrong’. I am heading in the direction meant for me. I am listening and following. I always resonate with your writing, Sandy. Love, ♥

    • 3-22-2018

      Chandra, thank you for this. I think it’s really wonderful that you are seeing this too. It is liberating and joyful – keep going, trust yourself, you know – and it just continues to unfold. I see that is no goal, just the Joy of uncovering ourself and living again. This time not afraid to be true to ourself. It’s wonderful and you are doing it – blooming into the wide open fullness of love –

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